a nearly satisfactory verisimilitudinous creation

Things They Don't Teach You in Library School 01

The key to not having your pens constantly stolen from the reference desk is to only have bent and chewed pens available there.

Nobody steals those. Nobody'll even touch 'em.

It also helps if the pen writes in a non-blue/black ink color.

Do not make the mistake of bringing your grooviest 4-color ink pen out to the reference desk, it'll disappear faster than you can say "shh!"